Playing games: it’s always been a part of dating, and winning it means getting inside her head.
However, the one thing we have going against us is the male tendency to see things that aren’t always there, such as attraction. Figuring out whether she’s interested in you or not can be a tricky deal, but there are a few tricks to help you crack her cryptic ways.
She Doesn’t Want to Look Too Eager
Let’s face it – we’re guilty of this behavior too. Like us, women don’t want to give the impression that they have nothing going for them other than waiting for the next guy to come along.
She has a happening life, and by making herself unavailable from time to time (e.g. “I’ll be swamped with work this weekend”, “I’d love to, but my yoga class got moved to Tuesday…”), she’ll trigger your desire to chase her all the more.
It’s the “You want what you can’t have” principle in effect here. And it keeps her from looking needy.
If you want to know if she’s still in the game, ask her out a few times – but never on short notice.
Let her know a few days in advance that you want to take her out so she knows you’re not just treating her as a backup.
Be on the lookout if she’s giving you signs of hope. If she agrees in spite of her busy schedule, then things are going well.
But if she keeps making excuses even after you’ve planned ahead, then take it as a “no.”
Maybe you sent her a funny SMS the other day and you haven’t heard from her at all. Now you’re wondering, “Did she drop off the face of the Earth?”
Relax. This could still be part of her anti-neediness plan, so play it by ear.
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If you’re like most guys interested in attracting girls, you probably think that changing a woman’s thoughts about you is pretty much impossible.
For instance, pretty much all the attractive women are going to assume that any guy who approaches them are going to hit on them or act in a pathetic “I-like-you-please-like-me-back” kind of way.
So that means you’ve already got your work cut out for you and convince her you’re not THAT guy. How do you get her to think otherwise about you?
In the movie Inception, one of the goals of the main character was to plant an idea in the head of important people, like a CEO of a major corporation, to influence events to their advantage. He did this by literally hacking into that person’s mind to make him think or feel in a certain way.
In the real world of course, this isn’t possible – and even if it were, it would be creepy and unethical to convince someone this way.
However, you can still get a woman to set you apart from other guys by making subtle but powerful suggestions in her head.
You can’t convince her by walking up to her and saying, “Hey, I’m totally not like those other men who you’ve shot down before…I’m not going to tell you how hot you are or buy you a drink – I’m different.”
It doesn’t work like that. You can’t convince a girl you’re a high quality guy with your words; only your actions can do that.
To make her less defensive around you, you need to act like an attractive guy. And the first way to do that is by learning the basics of attractive body language.
What you are on the outside can help give her an idea of who you are on the inside. Do your homework on the subject and learn how to convey your attractive personality through the right gestures and motions.
Aside from that, the most powerful way you can change a woman’s reality is by avoiding all the supplicating, needy behavior that she’s seen from other men. You know, complimenting her on something obvious like her looks or going through the predictable chit-chat that she’s learned to tune out.
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I feel it’s my duty to tell you all something you might not be ready to hear, men of the 21st century: your Tinders are terrible.
Every day in New York City, I am surrounded by attractive young people, glowing with potential, gripping expensive lattes in their soft hands, walking purposefully to their probably very cool jobs. This city is crawling with ridiculously good looking, intriguing people, and yet when I fire up Tinder, what do I see? Blurry photos of six dudes at a bachelor party. Half of someone’s face as they cuddle their dog. Sunglasses. Actual human babies.
Wherefore art thou, virile twentysomethings of the street and subway? I know they are on Tinder, because I am constantly nosing into other people’s love lives in search of writing material. So we must conclude that they are obscured behind awful Tinder profiles. As Tinder appeals to those who might have never used a traditional online dating site, perhaps these users are unaware of how the game is played. Let me enlighten you.
Tinder is all about first impressions, often split second first impressions. Your profile picture is the single most important factor in your Tinder. Half the fun of Tinder is the swipe-swipe speediness of it, and so if your picture doesn’t register as striking, attractive, or well-composed in two-tenths of a second, you’re a goner.
It’s amazing how many people aren’t facing the camera in their Tinder photo. Okay, sure, you looking moodily out over the sea while drinking a beer on a speedboat is a pretty good picture, but I can’t see your face while you’re staring off into the distance at those pine trees! How can I tell if you’re hot if you’re just a faceless person on a boat? Also: no sunglasses allowed. Sunglasses can conceal … almost anything.
It’s extremely important that you are alone in your photo. I can’t tell which of the pack of bros in striped button-downs is you, and I’m too lazy to find out. Rolling deep is not the point of Tinder, my friend. You’re not Leo in Wolf of Wall Street, you’re using a phone app to try to get a date.
Photo quality is also a huge issue. If the best photo of your face you can find is something blurrily cropped from a group picture, you’re going to have to take matters into your own hands. If you have a chill roommate or friend, ask them to take a photo of you while you’re at brunch or something. Not while you’re eating, but while sitting at the table, looking relaxed in the early afternoon light.
Alternatively, get a beer and open up Photobooth and take a selfie. You are in charge of your own destiny here. For the record, this is not about how attractive you are. This is about how to present yourself as well as possible.
Everyone’s bios are also a disaster. Think of your bio as what you would tell someone if you were talking at a cocktail party: where are you from? What do you do? If you’re funny, link to your Twitter, if you’re artistic, link to your Instagram. Do you have a “weird fact” you like to trot out, like that you were born without wisdom teeth or your landlord keeps bees on your roof? Throw that in there. The idea is to give some texture, some idea of yourself.
The biggest thing to avoid is spouting vague platitudes about trying to live every day to the fullest like you’re some undergrad who just dropped acid for the first time. Or that you work hard, play hard, which is just code for, “On our first date I will tell you extensively about my college lacrosse career.” Or song lyrics, because this isn’t your AIM profile.
But, if you aren’t from the US, absolutely mention that. Everyone loves accents.
Ah, summer flings. The fleeting, intense summer romances that are perfectly packaged to fit between Memorial Day and Labor Day, except when they don’t. Comedian Michelle Markowitz tells her side of the relationship (and gets way too excited about apples) in her newest video showing what happens when your summer fling isn’t quite on the same page. For anyone prepared to get way deep into autumnal Tinder.