If you’re like most guys interested in attracting girls, you probably think that changing a woman’s thoughts about you is pretty much impossible.
For instance, pretty much all the attractive women are going to assume that any guy who approaches them are going to hit on them or act in a pathetic “I-like-you-please-like-me-back” kind of way.
So that means you’ve already got your work cut out for you and convince her you’re not THAT guy. How do you get her to think otherwise about you?
In the movie Inception, one of the goals of the main character was to plant an idea in the head of important people, like a CEO of a major corporation, to influence events to their advantage. He did this by literally hacking into that person’s mind to make him think or feel in a certain way.
In the real world of course, this isn’t possible – and even if it were, it would be creepy and unethical to convince someone this way.
However, you can still get a woman to set you apart from other guys by making subtle but powerful suggestions in her head.
You can’t convince her by walking up to her and saying, “Hey, I’m totally not like those other men who you’ve shot down before…I’m not going to tell you how hot you are or buy you a drink – I’m different.”
It doesn’t work like that. You can’t convince a girl you’re a high quality guy with your words; only your actions can do that.
To make her less defensive around you, you need to act like an attractive guy. And the first way to do that is by learning the basics of attractive body language.
What you are on the outside can help give her an idea of who you are on the inside. Do your homework on the subject and learn how to convey your attractive personality through the right gestures and motions.
Aside from that, the most powerful way you can change a woman’s reality is by avoiding all the supplicating, needy behavior that she’s seen from other men. You know, complimenting her on something obvious like her looks or going through the predictable chit-chat that she’s learned to tune out.
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I feel it’s my duty to tell you all something you might not be ready to hear, men of the 21st century: your Tinders are terrible.
Every day in New York City, I am surrounded by attractive young people, glowing with potential, gripping expensive lattes in their soft hands, walking purposefully to their probably very cool jobs. This city is crawling with ridiculously good looking, intriguing people, and yet when I fire up Tinder, what do I see? Blurry photos of six dudes at a bachelor party. Half of someone’s face as they cuddle their dog. Sunglasses. Actual human babies.
Wherefore art thou, virile twentysomethings of the street and subway? I know they are on Tinder, because I am constantly nosing into other people’s love lives in search of writing material. So we must conclude that they are obscured behind awful Tinder profiles. As Tinder appeals to those who might have never used a traditional online dating site, perhaps these users are unaware of how the game is played. Let me enlighten you.
Tinder is all about first impressions, often split second first impressions. Your profile picture is the single most important factor in your Tinder. Half the fun of Tinder is the swipe-swipe speediness of it, and so if your picture doesn’t register as striking, attractive, or well-composed in two-tenths of a second, you’re a goner.
It’s amazing how many people aren’t facing the camera in their Tinder photo. Okay, sure, you looking moodily out over the sea while drinking a beer on a speedboat is a pretty good picture, but I can’t see your face while you’re staring off into the distance at those pine trees! How can I tell if you’re hot if you’re just a faceless person on a boat? Also: no sunglasses allowed. Sunglasses can conceal … almost anything.
It’s extremely important that you are alone in your photo. I can’t tell which of the pack of bros in striped button-downs is you, and I’m too lazy to find out. Rolling deep is not the point of Tinder, my friend. You’re not Leo in Wolf of Wall Street, you’re using a phone app to try to get a date.
Photo quality is also a huge issue. If the best photo of your face you can find is something blurrily cropped from a group picture, you’re going to have to take matters into your own hands. If you have a chill roommate or friend, ask them to take a photo of you while you’re at brunch or something. Not while you’re eating, but while sitting at the table, looking relaxed in the early afternoon light.
Alternatively, get a beer and open up Photobooth and take a selfie. You are in charge of your own destiny here. For the record, this is not about how attractive you are. This is about how to present yourself as well as possible.
Everyone’s bios are also a disaster. Think of your bio as what you would tell someone if you were talking at a cocktail party: where are you from? What do you do? If you’re funny, link to your Twitter, if you’re artistic, link to your Instagram. Do you have a “weird fact” you like to trot out, like that you were born without wisdom teeth or your landlord keeps bees on your roof? Throw that in there. The idea is to give some texture, some idea of yourself.
The biggest thing to avoid is spouting vague platitudes about trying to live every day to the fullest like you’re some undergrad who just dropped acid for the first time. Or that you work hard, play hard, which is just code for, “On our first date I will tell you extensively about my college lacrosse career.” Or song lyrics, because this isn’t your AIM profile.
But, if you aren’t from the US, absolutely mention that. Everyone loves accents.
Ah, summer flings. The fleeting, intense summer romances that are perfectly packaged to fit between Memorial Day and Labor Day, except when they don’t. Comedian Michelle Markowitz tells her side of the relationship (and gets way too excited about apples) in her newest video showing what happens when your summer fling isn’t quite on the same page. For anyone prepared to get way deep into autumnal Tinder.
Here’s an email from a reader that I think a lot of other guys can relate to:
“Hey Carlos, I’ve been going through your course which is really powerful stuff. But a lot of women…I mean a lot! …always give me this cold treatment routine which I’m getting sick of. I always see the same thing…she’s just sitting there and not making eye contact like I’m talking to a wall…or if she does talk it’s always some nasty comment to make me go away. I want to be this cool and fun guy they want to hang out with but I get pissed off when I get rejected and I barely said anything yet! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.”
Here’s my reply:
Thanks for writing in. Let me answer your email by telling you that one of the first things I teach guys about attracting women is to NOT care.
I’m not saying you should screw up on purpose, but you shouldn’t let the possibility of failing paralyze you.
So what if she’s being rude or bitchy? Should you let that faze you in any way?
Look, I know it’s impossible not to feel anything, and I’m not asking you to. What you should understand though is that your feelings are not part of the experience.
Put them away in a little compartment, leave it at the door and pick it up on your way home. In the meantime, suck it up and power through her barrier.
Remember, your heart racing and adrenaline pumping is your body’s primitive survival mechanism to protect you from danger – whether it’s real or not.
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